Our tickets for Latitude have arrived :). I can't wait! Its going to be beyond epic. Thom Yorke is on the main stage as is Grace Jones, and the White Lies are about. Pete and the Pirates might be there, or I might have just dreamt that up. Yes, I think I did just dream that. Woops.

I feel like I have new friends thanks to My Fair Lady. We should be having a house party or a little get together after the show, maybe around Craig's house. That would be beyond awesome. Speaking of PARTAAAAYS, Geraint is holding a little thing on results night...to 'celebrate the good or drown our sorrows'. I can't wait.

I just heard Will Smith say 'Yeaaah boiii!'. Made my frigging day.

 

I was beyond drunk last night.
Why is it, when I am drunk, I become someone else intirely? I become a TWAT, a grade one idiot twat! I am just so glad I have fab friends like Charlotte who looked after me so well. I didn't even lose anything! Thats amazing.
I can remember hardly anything. I must have been a pain in the arse. I remember drinking 80% of a massive bottle of wkd in under ten minutes...and a lot whiskey and port.

I do not like drunk Grace. Not at all.
I think I am over drink. Fuck off alcohol.

I can't believe I did that :(

My mum is being wonderful about it, as usual. She just said that I wasn't allowed to go to Harriet's houseparty as a punishment. Which I thought was fair enough, seeing as I just wanted to go because I wanted to get shit wasted. I don't want to drink now. I know everyone says the ye olde 'I will never drink again!' speech when they are mildly hungover, but I am seriously considering it. I am worried about coming off as a twat while sober, and drink certainly does not help in that department.

Hopefully Charlotte is right and no one else will remember anything that happened either.

I haz brown hair from now on =)

 

I'm feeling a bit better now =)
The log cabin trip, though dull as dishwater, did help. It was nice not having to worry about going out, or pleasing anyone else, just sitting in the cabin playing stupid games and being chased by donkeys. It was peaceful and relaxing (except for recieving a phone call at fucking 2 o'clock in the morning from someone wanting to have a drunken chat about fucking lakes!!!1!) but the person responsible for this crime has been punished and thus, we shall not speak of it ever again.
I'm really glad I had a chat with Anna tbh. She made me feel a hell of a lot better. I think my time of feeling distant from everyone is coming to an end, well I hope it is, anyways.

I have exams all this week which sux ass. I had a two hour math exam yesterday, which resulted in me biting the nails I had taken such good care of and drawing a spider with a sad face in exchange for an answer. Meh. Today, I had English. I love English exams. I enjoy them. We had to answer questions on a piece of text and then do some descriptive and creative writing. For my creative writing, I chose to write about 'My School Trip' (Seriously, whoever comes up with this stimuli is a bit of a drip) and, because the sun was shining and I felt a bit better about everything, I wrote a story where all my friends go to Caerphilly Castle for the day and nothing untoward happens. Yayz! It was going to enclude kiling a swan, which is something I have been thinking about recently...Not as in a 'ooo, killing a swan! Sounds like fun! Get me my best killing equipment, minion!' but more as a 'everyone says they are beautiful, but they are vicious bastards, so what to do??'. It was probably for the best I didn't mention anything about swans...it would have been 'strange', quite possibly not in a good way. I have four exams tomorrow. Yes, four. My hand is going to be crying when I get home.

Sims 3 out in 3 days.
I go on and on and on and on about it I know, I'm sorry. I just can't seem to help it. I feel like my nipples have been hooked up to a car battery, I am that excited. I remember playing the orginal Sims with my cousin. It was his game, technically, so I wasn't allowed to actually play with the characters, but I was allowed to change the wallpaper. He did the same to me with Rollercoaster Tycoon...in retaliation, I made everything a vile, 80s pink. I was excited about the Sims 2, I actually stared at the screen for the entire time it was installing. The Sims is a relic of my childhood, a symbol of all those wasted days indoors.
 

SARKOSY! SARKOSY! HE'S IN CHARGE OF FRANCE! SARKOSY!
SARKOSY! SARKOSY! HE'S GOT A HOT WIFE! HE'S SARKOSY!

Yeaaaaah boiiii!!

Might be having a picnic on Friday, might be in the field...I am very very busy on Friday. I have an R.S Exam, hair appointment (with dyeing! I might have dark brown or a whiter blonde...which are two different options I suppose), the release of the Sims and I would quite like to breath at some point too. I'm getting my moneyz too...:) MAC here I come...
 

Please don't make me go out ever again.
I'm having nervous horrid feelings.
I can't even think of maybe having a 'good time' if I go out...I can just think of things going wrong.

I ate so much today, its bloody ridiculous. I'm not having dinner now to make up for it. I must not fail!

I need something to do...

 

There are about twenty tiny fucking spiders crawling up the outside of the shower cubicle and there was one slightly bigger one in the cupboard where we keep the mugs this morning. Fucking fuck off spider bastards!
Now I think they are crawling all over me...FYDVAUSIDUIAHUI!!!

My new regime is starting tomorrow. Exercise and healthy shizz galore!

Its only 18 days till the Sims 3 is out (according to the counter thing I posted a while back XD). I'm so shitting excited. Today, I have picked out some important people's traits from the list of traits that have so far been released. I have chosen Bookworm, Charismatic, Excitable, Good Sense Of Humour and Hopeless Romantic (except I am not beyond hope, I just go a bit girly and gay over Mulder and Scully for example...). My mum is Family Orientated, Good Sense Of Humour, Neat, Natural Cook and Over Emotional. Anna = Ambitious, Easily Impressed, Excitable, Materialistic and Nurotic. If you want to know yours, come a knocking, and so long as you promise not to be offended, I will tell you...

Intensive revision for English exam tomorrow. I will probably turn up for a little bit, then go home. I'm not too worried about the exam to be honest. I am a cocky fuck.

I saw a picture of a tummy tuck operation today. Plastic surgery? FUCK NO! It scares me now...I did think that I wanted some things done, but its gross and the recovery period must be HELL.

I'm still feeling weird and anti-social.
Today, I was so angry, I slammed the iron onto the board and constructed massive arguments with my friends in my head. Why? I have no idea...Its like recently, I feel very disconnected with them, like I have no one who sees eye-to-eye with me anymore. I hope its just a phase, but its disturbing me. There are a few people I still feel connected to, but the main one has bloody moved away hasn't she? =[ I'm making an effort to carry on going out. Its not that I don't like my friends, or that I have a bad time, its just a silly thing I'm going through where I feel like no-body is really understanding me at all. I'm taking solace in the fact that, come sixth form, I will meet lots of new people and be able to go out and meet even more new people, so then maybe, I can find more people to connect with...
 

Orchestra concert tomorrow. Its 'the big 'uns' last concert, which will be sad...but then my group of buddies will take over as the new oldest in orchestra. Its going to be strange without Ieuan, Becky and Grieg. Humphz.

My parents have been extremely generous with the cash at the moment. I think its because I have been tidying my room and ironing a lot recently...I haven't ironed anything for about nine months, I have just been getting clothes when I need them out of the ironing basket. I'm a skank, I know. Last weekend, they gave me eighty squid of a bit of light shopping...then my dad gave me another forty pounds for this dress I want...and they have said that, by the end of this month, they will give me two hundred pounds. I am feeling...strange about it really. Its a lot of money, and I'm not going to pretend that I don't love having money thrown at me, but I worry that they might need that money later or something. What with the credit crunch and all that...

I don't think jeans suit me...I think they make me look thigh-y. I'm moving more toward skirts and dresses, maybe have a dabble in shorts too. I'm still rather self consious, so this discovery does not help matters. Plus, this being WALES, my legs get cold =[.

Would you watch a video with a couple of teenage girls attempting to rap about different internet search engines? 
Why does my brain think of these things?
Why can't it devote its time to writing an incredible novel instead of thinking up bizzarre youtube videos and funny band names all the time?

'I use internet explorer,
When looking for porn or Dora the Explorer'

'For an internet provider that really rocks,
You gotta go get yourself some Firefox!
Fuck slow connection! Fuck page not displayed!
Firefox gonna make sure ya get laid...'

I am very very cool.

Charlotte's last day =[
Fuck this...

My French oral exam went rather well it seems. Miss Graulier did a little happy dance once I had finished, which I took as a good sign. I was very lucky in that the oral I was best at came up...huzzah! She said my accent was flawless. She is back to telling me to take A level again...it ain't happening. I'm just so glad its over and done with.

I'm turning into a recluse. I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to talk to anyone. I certainly don't want to go out party-ing with my mates.
I'm daydreaming more and more ... talking less. To be honest, there is only two people who I want to spead anytime with...Bethan and Charlotte. Fuck this! I don't want to go to the pub tomorrow, I don't want to go to the field on Saturday. I want to stay at home, play on the Sims and not talk to anyone. Mum says this isn't very healthy and I shouldn't give into it...I should go out on Friday and have a nice time with Anna and that (This sentence sounds like she is encouraging me to drink, but in all fairness, she doesn't know I go to a pub). Maybe I'll enjoy it when I get there? 
Anna said that her mum might be able to give us a lift down. That would be nice. I'm not used to such luxury. Just so long as she doesn't tell my mam...

Charlotte Jones, my shoulder to cry on, the wind beneath my wings, is moving away on Friday. To Brighton.
She told us ages ago that she was going to move away, but we never thought it would actually happen. This fucking sucks. If I could persuade her mother I would have her live with me...She could have my bed, I'll sleep on the floor or the sofa, I wouldn't care. I just don't want her to leave. I love that girl. Its not many people I consider a best friend (a TRUE best friend, someone you can't really imagine living without) after just two years-ish.
Why can't someone wanky move instead? WHY??
I'm going to get her a cake I think. I will probably cry when she says her goodbyes on Friday. She's coming back for the exams but it won't be the same. I'm going to go see her as much as possible. We'll go to the beach there, we'll make it fun. She's worried she won't make any friends...she obviously will. She is too loverly too not have friends in a place.
Here's to you, Charlotte! 

In other news,
My french orals are last lesson Wednesday. They are the only exams I am worried about. All the others will be a doddle!

I've been spending more time with Lydia recently, which is very enjoyable. Today, she told me that way back in Year 7, she wanted to be my friend because she thought I was cool seemed like I'd have a lot in common with her. 'Yeah, I remember asking you to the cantine, because I thought you would eat lunch with me and we could be friends...' she said, 'I had a rough time in school, what with me being bullied and all that.'. It was a cute, sad little story... It made me wish that I hadn't been so horrifically awkward in Year 7, so I could have been a better friend to her.
 

It was open mic night down the Rowan Tree tonight. While it basically consisted of guys I know singing drunken versions of Tenacious D songs, it made me want to go sing a few songs myself...except that I am very unpopular in the pub and I would sing unpopular songs. I'd basically go up there, sing my little songs, and everyone would like me even less than they do now. That said, this week I did talk to more people than ever before. Whether this means they are accepting me into their circle or just trying to laugh at the new girl, I don't know...If I was going to do an open mic, I'd sing Bloody Motherfucking Asshole by Martha Wainwright....yes...
Also, I went to the pub with £35...and have come away with little over £4. Okay, I did have a few drinks myself, but most of them went on Aaran's...He's fucking older than me! He should be paying! I'm possibly the youngest person there and I'm the one paying for everyone's drink. No-one buys me a fucking pint. Sods law as always, just as I was realising how skint I was, Greig came up to me demanding the pint I promised him for writing me a song. Fucking fucking fuck face.


Graceless by Greig

times were your radioactivity charmed me
but now your energy has made my hair fall out
and i look like a bald cat

i fell down mountains to my death
10 times
my bald head cracked like an egg
10 times
cause i was tripping on ketamine

lets build snowmen with lego eyes
they can smile at us with pointy teeth
not cause they're vampires
but you know, lego is bobbly right?

yesterday i telephoned my glockenspiel
but he told me i was graceless
and then i fell down another mountain
that makes 11

Fucking NOOB.

Smack Jac The Tarantula Man randomly started talking to me today. I am firm in the belief that he is comedy gold. He is pure filth, its marvelous. I'm full of the awe. He told me that I 'made him jizz' so I replied 'Erm...thanks, I'll take that as a compliment'. 'Oh please don't be like all offended I mean we're both modern people'...lulz. Also...'please get your wonderful pert breasts out for this exquisite young gentleman'...is one of the best things I've heard in a long while. Jac has a way with words.

I completed Bioshock on the Xbox the other day :). It only took me three days of almost non-stop gaming! I also completed The Godfather 2. It sure beats revising, kids.
I still can't wait for The Sims 3. I'm having palpatations. When I play the Sims, I make me, my family and my friends, and I act out my life with them, but better. So, if I do something stupid, I will make my sim do the same thing, and then see how it can all turn out wonderful in the end. I'm also a massive control freak. Everything must be right. If, for example, Anna!Sim has an argument with Bethan!Sim, then I delete everyone. Even the people not involved...deleted. I start over again, making sure they will never argue. I'd be scared if I was one of my Sims, for I am not a forgiving God.

My mum almost just burst into tears because the Xbox 360 we'd inherited off my cousin was showing the red rings of death. He gave it to us, saying that it was quite sick, but my parent's, being technical people, fiddled around with it and made it work. It was working perfectly well...until my mum came home today with The Godfather 2, which she has been waiting for MONTHS to buy. It decided to give up then. Poor mum. Bill has just taken her out to buy a new Xbox though, make her happy again...

I slept over Ieuan's last night. It was immense, has to be said. I had a little bit too much to drink and did some suitably embarressing things. I took my top off in the back garden. I kissed people, again. I was sick in both of his toilets. I passed out on his couch for about five hours. I talked to Josh Jenkins on Ieuan's MSN...which isn't embarressing in itself (infact we were having a rather pleasant conversation about festivals), but it became embarressing when Anna thought it would be funny to send him the simple messege of 'sex en???'. In my intoxicated state, I tried to explain to him that that wasn't my doing, it was my foolish friend's (my foolish friend who has a crush on him too ;]), but it sounded like a horny coward's excuse after an idiotic come on. For some reason though, despite this, I still thought it was a good idea to add him on my own MSN. Classy Grace. No that won't be awkward at all. I could have made a friend =[ but my current friends have pooped all over it.
Damn you, Current Friends!

The morning was rather nice. I had a headache and still felt rather sick (I had a nasty incident involving me, vomit consisting mainly of tea, and my glasses), but a rather wonderful breakfast made by Miss Anna Barker put me right. It consisted of bacon and scrambled eggs, which I've been eatting a lot recently due to the fact that I've had to feed myself and its the only thing I can cook. Appart from cakes of course, which are my speciality. Then we watched Skins. We think that the 'NASTY TWIN', Katie, gets fatter during the series. Also found out that I'm the only person who would date JJ. I think he's lovely, and I mean, a lovely guy is worth a chance isn't he, even if he isn't the most gorgeous peacock in the petting zoo. I'd rather be with JJ, feeling like he respected and loved me, than with Freddie or Cook because they are 'fit'. Plus Freddie makes me want to burn things. That isn't good.

I'm staying over Ieuan's again tomorrow.
He's got a free house till Tuesday, and has basically said that me, Anna and Sarah can come over whenever. I think he might get a tad lonely on his own.
He was telling us some bizzarre stories last night fair play. Consisting of Primary School times and the best friends he used to have. One story consisted of finding a maggot in his gravy which was actually an onion. Another was about how Greig can't remember making Ieuan a Mulan card when they were about 9. Ieuan seemed quite upset about it, it was touching. Seeing as 'bromance' is 'in' at the moment, I might make a short film about Ieuan and Greig's friendship. Part documentary, part over dramatic teen drama. Epic shit.

What the fuck is with Disney sequals? Mulan 2?? Even worse...BAMBI 2?? HEATHENS!



 

Today is the first official day of half term.
FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!

Okay, sure I have a load of revising to do...and learning of oral booklets...but it still beats being in school hands down.

I haven't got much planned for this week to be honest. I'm getting my eyebrows waxed today, for the first time ever (I'm rather nervous, but also hopefull seeing as I've always not been too fond of my eyebrows). Then, on Thursday, I'm sleeping over Ieuan P's house with Sarah and Anna, which should be awesome. I can't wait. His parents are out as are his little brothers, so expect wildness...

I am going to be smaller after this holiday. Mark my words. No more being friendly to the belly. Nu-uh. I was talking to Mrs McDonough about my anxieties about putting on weight, as she is trying to help me be a more confident person, and she said that 'the subconsious does not recognize negatives'. So, basically, if you are always thinking 'I don't want to get fat. I don't want to get fat' you will put on weight...while if you think 'I am going to lose weight.' then its more likely that you will. I think I'll be trying this positive thinking malarky after all... 

It's weird trying to be optimistic.
I'm trying to shush that little voice in my stomach that tells me that everything nice that happens to me will be snatched away.
I made a list of goals the other day... Some of them were pretty standard (e.g Get decent grades in GCSEs, Be as size 10, Find a nice guy), others were 'aiming low' to say the least (e.g Stop biting nails, Get eyebrows waxed, Read some more). At least this way, even if I get all Ds, remain a size 12 for the rest of my life and become a crazy old spinster, I can still tell myself 'Hey! At least my eyebrows are looking guuuuurd!'

I miss Aaran :( I miss Charlotte :(
They look after me, and are two people who I know are always on my side.




 

A wee bit of helpy would be nicey.

Those of you who read this pile of crap journal often, and those of you who are lucky enough to go to school with me (hi Bethan...), will know basically what I look like. In that case, I would like your very valued, non-biased opinion on this... I have to have a hair cut soonish, and I want something different from the style I have now, but not so different I wobble with shell shock out of the hairdressers. I want something that will suit my face shape and won't look totally ridiculous with my glasses. I like messy hair, and would quite like to be able to add slashes of different colours amongst my hair (nothing illegal though, I'm through with my 'hiding from the teachers' days).
So my question is...

 ...would somthing like these styles suit me?

I'll probably post again in the next few days, asking the exact same question about a different set of pictures. I just don't want to end up with a horrific mullet again. I have nightmares about it...I had a fucking mullet and I wasn't even alive in the 80's. Not good.

In other news,
Drama exam is over! Woop woop! I'm glad, I think we didn't do too badly, but ours seemed really short compared to everyone elses. At least we didn't fuck up big time.

I don't have a friend with the same music tastes as me. I did this thing on facebook where you press 'shuffle songs' on your ipod/mp3 and then you post the first line of the first 25 songs to come up. You then tag your friends so they have to guess the bands and song title. I deliberatly tagged people older than me (Nicky, Peppi...), people who know a shit load about music (Andrew, Greig...) and people who spend obscene amounts of time around me (Anna, Charlotte...) in the hope that I would get a good response. Nearly all of them failed. Which means...I'm the coolest. Obviously. It doesn't mean I'm a music anorak who spends all her time listening to podcasts no-one has ever heard of, obsessivly trying to find new bands...No. Don't say that. I'm cool.

Compliments that make it sound like someone is calling you fat

1. 'You are cuddle-able!'
2. 'One of you is worth twelve of them!'
3. 'You are totally unforgettable and unmistakeable'
N.B - Not everyone is trying to tell you you are fat. Even if your brain is telling you that you need to lose weight, doesn't make it true...

I was meant to be going out for a meal with Geraint, Alex and Blake yesterday, but there was a change of plan...Instead we bought a disposable barbeque, sausages, deli wraps and some chocolate-y goods and went up to Penallta Park for drink or two. The BBQ was legendary, it served to keep us warm like four hungry hobos and cooked the sausages quickly. I think I under cooked one of my sausages, but hey ho...at least it wasn't chicken. I was basically in charge of cooking...but due to our severe lack of equipment, I found myself trying to turn sausages with a melting jaffa cake. Mmmm, thats some classy eattings. I do love hanging out with Geraint and co, we have to do things like that more often.
Also...Malibu and leamonade = teh yumz. New drink of choice I think.
My mum was drunk when I came home. So drunk that she woke up in the middle of the night in fright because she couldn't remember if I had come home. Poor love.

My second cousin, Becci, is having her baby soon =]
10th of August is the due date and I think she is going to call her little boy 'Cameron'. Its a nice name fair play, but I will just think of House everytime I look at the baby.
We were all pretty worried about Becci at first. She's only eighteen, and was a massive party animal before she got pregnant. I like talking to Becci, I wish I was closer to her. She has really interesting views and I admire her for just carrying on and focusing on her baby. For me, I don't think I could be a mother at eighteen. I don't have the self belief.

I try my best to like Sundays...
but the fact that its Monday tomorrow spoils them

I'm over coming my internet shyness...slowly and surely. Yesterday I added to Craig (he's a cheeky fucker who will point out you have mayo on your face regardless to how little you know him...) and Josh Jenkins (sixth former, sang in the pub with a guitar and shizzle) on facebook. I have issues with adding people I don't know 100% because I'm scared they will think I'm some sort of stalker who carves their names into her stomach. I don't do that...often.

I am feeling fabulously lazy today.
After orchestra, I decided to have a quiet night in with the family. I haven't had a Friday night at home in about a month. It was nice, no vommiting...no cold walks home...felt like luxury.

Much as I love the soft, loveable, 'mother's choice' Nathan Keeble...Ieuan Lloyd is my best orchestra chum with out a doubt. He's like a cockney street urchin, who dresses in the clothes TopShop chucks in the skip after a season has ended. He claims to have invented a new sexual 'move' called 'The Stunner', he claims it puts people into a state of 'orgasmic rage'. It looks like he's just given The Shocker a different name, but let the boy have his fun... At one point, he was talking to this small boy from Year 7 in his school. Ieuan, as usual, was going on and on about how he's Grade Eight in vocals, Grade Seven in trumpet and Grade Six in guitar, and how he's in charge of one quater of the school (some foolish teacher made him head of a house or something)... He carried on for about ten minutes, during which I amused myself by making sceptical faces. The boy didn't speak much, just nodded polietly at Ieuan's rambles...then the little kid just turned to me and said 'Do you know anyone else who shows off as much as him?'. I love sassy children.

I have a question for anyone reading, just out of interest =]. Who are your idols? And do you know if anyone idolizes you?
My idols are Oscar Wilde, Alex De Large, Hunter S Thompson and, of course, Stephan Patrick Morrissey.
The only person I know who idolizes me is Anna this girl on the orchestra bus. She just came up to me once and said 'You're my idol...I want to be like you.' She follows me around a bit. She is only a wee littl' girl, but her big sister is in my year. What I find funny is that her sister could total. utterly. kick. my. ass. I'm actually quite scared of her.
 

Ode To The iPod

I had you once, in my hand,
My shiny black friend,
I could select song by album or band,
Never would my love end,
But then the man in Premier stole you away,
Denied all guilt,
'It wasn't here!' he'd say,
I cried into my quilt,

I had missed Bethan Murphy so much to be honest. She had most of last week off, and since my weekend was kinda gayed up, it felt like I hadn't seen her in ages today. Me, her and Charlotte stood around outside the english room talking about bras. Okay, TMI ALERT, but I have this new bra and knickers set which is green and while gingham with frills. Yes, it looks like a Primary School uniform...I find this disturbing.

I've started up a new healthy regime today, and I'm very proud to inform you all that it is infact healthy. No reducing meals, no throwing up, no punishing self for having an extra bite of rice krispies...its just normal healthy eatting, fresh fruit and veg galore, along with nice, not too much, exercise. I'm doing yoga in the morning and then skipping and going for a bit of a walk after school. Woopie! I'm feeling quite dubious though to if it will actually help me lose weight. It seems my body will only lose weight if I'm doing something not very good to it. Hmmm...

The song Shake A Fist by Hot Chip, when I first heard it, made me really, really, REALLY want to learn to play the synthesizer. I wish I was more commited to things, and I would love to give it a shot...but I don't think my mum will really fund another one of my extravagent ventures. Especially seeing as I am thinking of selling my guitar to Ieuan in order to go SHOPPING!!! Its not like I ever played in anyway. I just want to be able to make bassy, vaguely annoying electronic noises, thats all. Same reason I want to play the therimin. I guess I just want to be a techno nerd and scoff loudly at all the 'guitar players' out there. 'OOoo, your instrument is electrified? Big woopdy doo!' I will say, 'My instrument sounds like electricity being fed straight into your ears by a wire! And look...hear how low it can go? Mmmm bass notes, bitches.' Not that I have some sort of personal vendetta against guitar players.







Some of my best friends are guitar players.
 

I'm feeling better today :)

Maybe its the weather? It has been rather beautiful recently. Its so nice...This is perfect weather for me, not raining, but sunny and still quite cold. I was looking at the sky today and felt really comfortable. I can't really explain it, but usually, I want to go out with friends and have a drink and a few fags, but looking at the sky I wanted to do something really wholesome. Like go for a bike ride with my best friends...go swimming in a lake...take pictures of wild animals I see in fields. I was thinking about asking a few people if they would like to go for a walk after school, but then I realised most of my friends would reply with...'Yeah! Come up to Cascade and I'll get some drink out! We'll have a mega time!'...
I've been thinking a lot about innocence recently. I've been thinking about how I was like in Year 7... Back then, I had never smoked...never been drunk...never been high. I would worry about not doing my homework because the threat of detention seemed so great to me. I had never kissed anyone, never been felt up, never been in ANY sexual situation what so ever. I fancied celebrities like Orlando Bloom and Ricky Wilson from the Kaiser Cheifs. In Year 7, I was sort of happy with the way I looked. Sort of. I didn't feel the constant need to reduce, reduce, reduce. I didn't think there was anything that wrong with eatting a lot of sweets and chocolates. Looking back at old photos of me, I feel shame at how fat I looked. I must have lost about two stone since then...plus I've toned up a hell of a lot. I wish I didn't have those guilty feelings, they sort of pervert the innocence of that time.

Now its all about booze and poppers and weed and sex and being skinny.
Part of me loves it. I love getting drunk, I love smoking, I love sexual situations, I love being a size 10-12 (actually, lie. I'd love to be smaller with bigger tits...).

The other part of me wonders if I am any happier/ more confident/ better off than I was back at age 11...